Pets are an integral part of our families. We love them, and for a lot of people, their pets are one of their most important, long lasting relationships. So when they die, it can be a significant bereavement. Often, for children, pets are their first encounter with the death of a being that they loved.
Most of the time, we know death is coming, and can prepare ourselves, but sometimes it is completely unexpected, and hits hard.
We lost our cat, Milo, earlier this year. He was hit by a car on the road outside as lockdown eased and the road became busy again. Milo was young, brash, greedy, in your face. He peed on everything, was undeniably stupid and disrupted the lives of our other cats far beyond what they felt was acceptable. He was also the most loving, cuddly, adorable cat we’ve ever had. He was basically a cat shaped dog. He would follow us around, happy to be picked up and played with at any time. He purred loudly and happily and would wrap his arms around yours in a companionable snuggle for ages. We fell in love with him the moment he chose us at the rescue centre.
We’ve had pets before, and of course, they have died. But Milo was the first pet to have died young and without warning. I’m not sure I’d really understood the need for pet funerals before – the cursory burying of a hamster or fish didn’t really have the same sense of importance. But for Milo, we needed the ceremony, the acknowledgement of loss. Our children are adults now – we chose Milo after two of them had gone to university for the first time. But Milo inspired devotion and our sons and their girlfriends were just as in love with him as we were.
We all buried him together, in our garden. We made him a marker and buried him with his favourite toy, wrapped up in his blanket, gave him some flowers. We acknowledged his many, many faults and his much more important strengths. We lit a candle for him – with the wind blowing out our tapers whenever we got close to the candle in the hurricane lamp. Milo was definitely having a laugh with that one! We covered him up with earth and next year we’ll put a rose over him. We told little stories about how we’ll remember him. We kept his candle burning for the rest of the day until we went to bed. It was a lovely funeral for a very special boy.
A pet funeral can be, like Milo’s, quite spontaneous. But there may be times when you need something a little more planned, a bit more formal. Maybe you just don’t know how to start? Then, you might want to consider a celebrant led pet funeral. Costs for this are variable. Maybe you just want a guide – a short script, some ideas on how to create a ritual, but don’t need anything more. Maybe you want a funeral, led by a celebrant. Your gut instinct about what you need to be able to mourn your pet is probably right. I’d be happy to hear from you, whether you want something simple or something more elaborate. Get in touch and we can chat about what’s right for you xx
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