The Unity Candle Ritual

What is a ritual?

The word ‘ritual’ can spook some people. Ceremony is a familiar idea, but rituals? They sound kind of wierd, and possibly kind of dark. Well, I’m here to tell you that rituals are for everyone. We probably have our own daily rituals that we don’t even think about. Do you have a favourite mug that you like to make your morning cup of coffee in? Do you make a pot of fresh tea first thing in the morning? Back in the days when we could touch other people, maybe you liked to shake hands with someone when you met them. All of these can be rituals.

So what makes a ritual in a ceremony any different to these regular, everyday rituals?

Intent.

That’s basically it. A ritual is like a picture in a storybook. It is more immediate than words. Rituals can be solemn or joyful, but they should have a sense of something apart from the everyday, of significance. There is usually a physical action, and a change of some sort. Rings go from unworn to worn. Candles are lit – or blown out. Flowers are placed on a coffin. A drink is shared.

Candles have been used for rituals across centuries, cultures, religions. They are used to bring light, to connect to our ancestors, to focus. Candle lighting can be a ritual by itself. The strike of the match, the hissing flare of flame, the transfer of flame from match to candle. The smoke spiralling from the extinguished match.

What is a Unity candle ritual?

A unity candle can be used in a number of ways. At a wedding, the couple can light their own, individual candles. They can then bring those singular flames together to light a new flame on a central, unity candle that represents their relationship, their life together. The individual candles can continue to burn, or could be blown out – depending on the meaning you give the ritual (and whether there are errant breezes!)

A unity candle can also be lit first, and other candles can be lit from it, spreading their flame. At a wedding, the couple could take their candle around their guests as the evening draws in, so that their light, their love, can be shared with everyone else. In fact, if you were having an outdoor wedding, this could be a lovely way to light the area, with tea lights in containers to protect the flame.

A unity candle could be lit by multiple people at the same time. Maybe the parents of a couple getting married could light a candle together. Maybe everyone at a funeral could light candles to send light and love to the person they have lost. Godparents or guardians at a baby naming ceremony could light a unity candle together to symbolise their commitment to the child. At a vow renewal, the couple could light a unity candle along with their children or grandchildren to represent the love of the family as well as their love for each other.

A ritual can have whatever meaning you choose to give it. Unity candles are easily understood and explained and the ritual can be repeated as often as you like. If you buy a special candle, or candlestick, you could light a unity candle every year on your anniversary. Or you could light it after an argument, after a joyful day, or anytime you want to shine a little light on your love!

As a celebrant I’ll work with you to choose rituals for your ceremony that have meaning and intent. Interested? Get in touch!

From time to time I add handmade candle stands to my Etsy shop – they make great wedding or anniversary gifts! If you want something specific, drop me a line xx